We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
