Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
We got so high we made milksteak
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
