addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Randomize
