Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize