Im at strip club and am horny
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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