Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
