Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize