She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
