My Higher Power is John Stamos
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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