Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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