Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Randomize
