would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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