I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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