you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
i think i just lost a toe
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
