why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
