Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
