At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize
