I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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