member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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