You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
