just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
