I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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