I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
