You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Randomize
