my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize