weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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