smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
