on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize