Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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