i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
