Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
