When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize