Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
