Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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