you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
