So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
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