God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
