Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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