I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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