Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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