When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
