just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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