We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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