yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
