I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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