I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
