it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
