wake up i wanna do it froggy style
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
