we're chasing vodka with high fives
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
