tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
