i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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