Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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