two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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