Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Randomize
