Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
