We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
