I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
He passed out mid-signature
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
