Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
