we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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