thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
