i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
