you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
