Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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