Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Houston, we have a blender
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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