it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
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