I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
