When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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