i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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