So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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