It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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