just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
