i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
He shit in the fireplace
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
