I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
