Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
