Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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