No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
