fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
